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Heartbreak

February 21, 2018 - Stacey Sacco
I have several blogs half written, one of which I was planning to finish and post today. Blogs about minor school infractions of a rambunctious seven-year-old and about how rapidly tweens change and about how different school is now that I have a girl doing homework. But those will have to wait. I opened each one and stared at that blinking cursor, unable to finish a sentence with humor or light-heartedness.

I am broken in a broken world and I can’t find the courage and peace to write about something like balancing work and home life or joke about something like how my three-year-old is currently crying over the way I opened a yogurt. I just can’t.

Maybe the most recent school shooting pushed me over the edge, but I’ve been hanging on for dear life for awhile. I was angry that I have to raise kids in an environment of hate and violence. My anger may have carried me through some situations and conversations, but now I’m just broken. And not just for my own kids. For kids in our community and country and world. My heart aches for families- families just like mine trying to do their best in a world that thrives on vitriol.

I don’t want to argue with anyone about what needs to be done. I want people to give a damn about someone other than themselves. But even if other people don’t- I will. I choose to see other people for their soul and their humanity. We all recognize that a human’s worth is not based on the color of his or her skin. Let’s extend it and accept that worth is also not based on political affiliation, country of origin, religious denomination, language spoken, school attended, or contributions to the GDP. People inherently have value.

I don’t want to hear about how Jesus wants us to fight for our own rights. Jesus is the one who gave up everything- up to and including years of his life. I don’t want to hear about what I need to do or say or believe. Let’s bring it back to basics. God is Love. If we don’t have that mastered, there is no need to go further. No one can climb a ladder that is missing the first rungs.

I can’t change this broken world. I can barely figure out how to mend my own broken heart. But I know without a doubt that laws and law-makers are not the healing salve. Real connections with real people hold the secret to wholeness. Facebook and the evening news are destroying my faith in people daily. Friendships and human interaction with people who truly care are filling in the cracks.

Maybe I have a “bleeding heart” (it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been told that as if it’s derogatory). But I would rather my heart bleed than be turned to stone. So I will continue weeping for my kids and your kids and kids in Florida and kids in Ethiopia. I’m holding out hope that those tears are the secret weapon to mend my own heart and offer healing to someone else.

 
 

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